morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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