dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
