cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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