is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
