Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
