Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
