Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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