Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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