i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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