I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
