You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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