we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
