I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize