This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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