Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
