he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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