WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
