I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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