I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
