question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
