She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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