yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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