becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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