You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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