I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
