My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
