Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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