You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Floor bacon is actually really good
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
