hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
