At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
