That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
