Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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