quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
