i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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