Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
