You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
