I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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