Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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