the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
