I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
