pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize