I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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