A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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