Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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