i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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