i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
