I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
