FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
