Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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