It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
