i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
