Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
