And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
