the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
