Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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