I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
