Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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