The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
