we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
