nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
