Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize