If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
