i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
