My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
