Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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