My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize