i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
