Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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