laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize