I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have tasted many bathrooms
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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