Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
