too bad you live with your parents still
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
