I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize