The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
