omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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