Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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