dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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