I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
