i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
