you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
