winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
